How to make sense of loss
Much of my content lately has been geared to prevent the seeds of isolation and depression from blooming after the global shutdown ends and instead, invite people to start developing the possibilities that are equally available.
This shutdown will end but what comes afterward, the darker stories, are harder to end once they get momentum.
It has been shown historically that suicides increase after an economic downturn.
I don’t want that to happen.
I want you to know how valuable and essential your life is. That we all need each other in order to come out on the other side that is better than what was before.
Uncertainty brings change, loss…and possibilities
The truth is, it is not all rainbows for a lot of people. It is not business as usual during the unprecedented event that we’re in.
Uncertainty invites change but not always in the most welcome way because it can bring a sense of loss, of something taken away that begins to build attention on the undesirable things in the world.
Rather than distracting yourself from what you see, there is a way to intelligently process, on all levels of who you are (intellectual, experiential, emotional, spiritual, subconscious, etc.) what this means for your forward movement.
This is a more productive and efficient use of your time and energy than becoming entwined and ensnared in these feelings.
Often your personal story can ignite a solution that other people are looking for.
I’ve done about a dozen free videos called Redefining Essential (How I Wrote History During COVID-19) to walk you through how to do this. https://www.oneripple.net/videos
I did this to:
Keep you stay grounded in the moment instead of being swept away into the future or past.
Help you “document” what you experienced so that you can fully own your perspective after this event ends.
Uplevel your understanding of the essential value you bring to the world.
Understand why certain people and events no longer belong in your life.
Materialize what is most important to you, what is essential in your life and where to focus your attention in a way that helps you.
Inspire you to find creative ways to make it real in your life and business.
Many entrepreneurs or those with an entrepreneurial mindset do this for financial flow and social impact in terms of their vision, mission, experimentation, and lessons learned.
This builds the conviction of what their platform is, what their brand is about so that their messaging, whether in marketing or underneath the products and services they offer, remains true even when they are called to be nimble and pivot…and makes sense to them in a grounded way, rather than being reactive in panic.
Whether for business or life in general, follow these suggestions to make sense of loss.
Plot Out What is Essential to You
One of the greatest things to come from COVID-19’s shock was the stripping away of distractions to reveal, on an experiential level, what’s essential to human life: Family, health from community cooperation, compassion, kindness in addition shelter, food and water, and money.
These brought a sense of comfort and security on a very innate level…globally.
But as this event goes on, another element is rising up: Something has been lost. How to move forward from here when there are restrictions?
Each person, globally, has experienced some form of change, maybe of loss, of something taken away from another essential component of life: The sense of freedom.
People oscillate between fear, anger, sadness, isolation which can overshadow patience, resiliency, joy, and connection as they bump up against the desire for freedom so they can move forward.
The problem is people have different ideas and beliefs on how to achieve that.
Seeds are being planted as people react to what appears when people are moving forward ahead of the rest of us.
I see more hints of judgment that can lead to many justifying (“yelling”) their opinions to demote someone else’s truth.
This can lead to people shutting down their true opinions and desires…and that is dangerous because it builds a foundation of isolation.
To me, these are all sides of the same coin of freedom and yet, so many stay fixated on their opinions because they aren’t open to the fact that there is value in different ways of thinking.
There is a way out of this cycle that is deeply personal, to move forward, to be free during the loss that change brings, in a way that unifies us.
It’s a way to get off the armchair of judgment and into getting real about what you are uniquely talented to bring to the other side of this event while being in the middle of it.
The 3 Steps to Make Sense of Loss
Each of us has the capacity to bring forward the information that is needed to get an epiphany, the liberation of exactly what’s needed to feel better, to move forward in very creative ways that don’t yet exist.
This only requirement is honesty about exactly what you see, feel and experience.
There are many ways to make sense of loss and move forward and the steps below put you in the driver seat in 3 steps by easily getting clear about how your loss is showing you the way forward.
1. Get real.
The journaling prompts were intended for you to do this privately, for your eyes only.
Something happens when I work with all my clients: A firehose is opened up and they talk and talk and talk. It’s the first time in their lives that someone has held space for them without judgment or advice brewing in the background.
In journaling, the same is true. Write and write and write out your honest answers about what you saw, felt, experienced during the shutdown.
What did you lose? What changed? What did you find was essential to your life, your business in the most in-your-face kind of way?
2. Distill what’s really going on.
Organize the most noteworthy people, interactions, events, and non-linear elements (feelings, senses, spiritual insights) into 4 quadrants.
It seems weird to categorize people in terms of Level of Effort and What is Essential but it’ll give you timely information about how scattered your attention may have been up to now.
This will give form and logic as to why something or someone bugs or supports you within your personal and unique context and definitions.
I was surprised when I did this exercise. I believe that everyone and everything in my life is here to help me whether it’s in positive or negative form, however, understanding why certain people I love so much weren’t really supportive began to make sense.
You may find that certain people, events, experiences move quadrants you continue on your life journey. They gave you something valuable in the past but aren’t able to meet your current or next level in life.
This helps de-charge your perception and liberates any negative feelings without bypassing them so they can’t come back to trigger you.
The next step will help you understand how to do this for the elements in Quadrant 3.
3. Find the essence of what you want.
Only you know the context and meaning around your beliefs, the reason behind your actions, and why you want what you want.
A good coach, trusted friend or family member, or mentor can guide you to see this clearly if what they cleanly reflect that back to you, free from their expectations, stories, perceptions. I am sorry to say that this is rare.
It’s up to you to be clear about what that is…not on the surface but the deep essential core of what you want more of, the good stuff in Quadrant 1.
A lot of people waste their time and energy on chasing things outside of themselves when instead, the never-changing aspect of yourself is your best inspiration.
By using your stories, understanding why something makes you sad, angry…what is a loss to you, you can clearly see your way out of it to what exactly it is you want and why.
You begin to see what really matters to you and what you want more of in your life…and see what has been a dead weight up to this moment.
Often, what’s underneath Quadrant 3 is the most direct path to Quadrant 1.
For example, a lot of people were affected by a pause, disruption or elimination of their money flow. This can trigger one of the most basic human reactions around survival.
There is a huge nugget of information around money, survival, and what’s essential to you when you look underneath your money story.
If you look at the core essence of what money does for most people, it’s not about how much of it you have or don’t have.
It’s also isn’t about where your money beliefs came from or your opinion about the government but a deeper story about what has power over you, what permits (or prevents) you from doing what you want to do, how you get your sense of value…that is reflected in what money or the lack of means to you.
It often is around who you give your trust, your value, your confidence, your power, your authority to.
I many people placing too much of theirs in outside “authorities” who better “qualified” to determine this for them.
And that can open some dangerous doors.
I’m inviting you to give it to yourself and trusting that in more measure than an outside of you to open up space for other possibilities you may not be seeing right in front of you right now.
My Findings Show Me Where to Go Now
I could see why money wasn’t an issue for me because I had long ago cleaned my survival and money stories years ago. I have enough for the foreseeable future which opens up space to be creative, to be “productive” to meet needs I see right now.
I am enjoying this pause to do everything I’ve written above to redefine my audience, find the people who will support me when I am afraid, to get clear about what I see is the most logical way to meet my newly focused “essential” needs.
I was surprised to see that not everyone in my grid could offer achievement, navigation, apply their values into business actions, innovate without fear, create by bringing possibilities into the real world, know how to “get it done,” be open because of their confidence in their own integrity to critically think, form a narrative instead of consuming one that is fed to them.
Things I want more of…and I was equally surprised to find that Quadrant 1 was much more full than the other three. And, to know why…and feel good about it so I can focus my time and energy accordingly.
I love each person in my grid deeply but now have clarity about what types of essential characteristics, experience, and energy are going to help me and my business thrive.
And, it working.
Illogically, magically, coincidentally, whatever word you want to use, I’m finding the right people with the right energy or they are finding me. And those who don’t fit into Quadrant 1 are hibernating.
And most importantly, I remain confident in the essential value I offer through my business.
I am right with you in this time of uncertainty.
How are you processing this change? Are there feelings of loss? Can you find the possibilities that will help yourself that naturally help other people?
That is the outcome of loss: A new beginning. Find your way to actively create it.
Other resources:
If you need some support, know that it is ok to ask for it. Here are some resources to consider. There is no shame in knowing when you need help and asking for it.
Visit the Disaster Distress Helplineexternal icon, call 1-800-985-5990, or text TalkWithUs to 66746
Visit the National Domestic Violence Hotlineexternal icon or call 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224
Email me at joy@oneripple.net – no agendas just connection
#entrepeneurmindset #BusinessUnusual